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Picture this scenario: you’re having a nice dinner with your extended family at home. The upcoming election is still looming in the background, and you’ve likely already decided who you’ll be voting for.
It seems it’s all everyone’s talking about – from the newspapers to the TV pundits, from your social media feed to that one person from your alma mater who all of a sudden is running for public office.
This election cycle has been a divisive one, but you’re pretty sure your family will get through it (mostly) unscathed.
Then, the inevitable occurs.
You weren’t sure who started it; perhaps it was an off-hand remark from your aunt, or maybe someone shared something in the family group chat, but now the entire table is arguing. Your father's raised voice could probably be heard by the neighbors, and you find yourself wishing the earth would open up and swallow the dining room in embarrassment.
Ah, politics.
With the 2024 elections coinciding with Valentine’s Day this year, we were curious to see how Indonesians approach (or avoid) the ever-present elephant in the room, and how that has impacted their relationship with either friends, family, significant others or even themselves.
We wanted to know whether differing political choices and opinions can become deal-breakers. Family is one thing and you can go no-contact. But would you drop a friendship or end a romantic relationship because of differing political allegiances?
That’s certainly a loaded question, and the people we talked to acknowledged as much. Due to this sensitivity, not everyone agreed to have their real name published. After all, discussing politics within relationships is one matter, but having those conversations published for the world to scrutinize is quite another.
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‘Don’t talk about it’
“I am a liberal and my friend is a conservative and we have very different points of view when it comes to policies, but we are still the best of friends. So the way I get around it is that it doesn’t affect me and when you and your friends have similarities, you find places where you intersect. Let’s say, student loans, that is something we both agree on even though we come from two different sides.
The things that you disagree on, you don’t talk about because you’ll get into arguments. [Laughs]. In conclusion, no, it doesn’t affect any of my relationships, because I’m the kind of person who would like to agree with somebody. Let’s be honest, when it comes to politics, no one’s going to change their mind if they don’t want to.”
- Marsha, 29
‘We value democracy’
“In my family, we value democracy. My daughter chose differently from me, for whatever reason, I’m not angry or upset, because we allow her the freedom to express her opinions. In the end, the winner will be chosen by the people and we as the people must follow.
Many of my friends also chose different candidates than their spouses and children. It gets awkward for them, but not me. We choose because it is our right but I won’t necessarily ‘fight to the death’ for my candidate. One of my daughters is the odd one out, but it’s fine. In fact, it makes it fun.”
- Kyriesa, 63
‘We mute the family chat’
“This is my second time voting, and I already know which pair I’ll go with. I don’t think I know who my friends will be voting for, and I certainly don’t want to ask my girlfriend about her choice – it seems like too much. I don’t mind at all if we have different opinions. I do have my own values I look for in a candidate, but I’m not going to start dropping people if we don’t vote for the same guy.
As long as we don’t argue, it’s going to be fine. But I definitely don’t want to have someone rambling about their views all the time either, so there should be a time and place for everything. I think the only person I know who does that is my dad, but we usually just mute the family chat when he starts doing his thing.”
- Kyle, 23
‘I just want to get this over with’
“To be very frank with you, I don’t care about politics. Not a single bit. From what I’ve seen, it just leads to arguments. My son called me, what’s the word for it, privileged or something, but he’s just entered university and probably in that politically active-student-activist phase. It’s a phase, right? I hope it’s just a phase.
I mean, I know who the candidates are and all, but I honestly don’t even want to think about it. My husband thinks it’s all a farce, but he’s still voting. I suppose I will vote, but I just want to get this over with so we can all move along and be nice to each other again.”
- Fitri, 57
‘Just a difference of opinion’
"My wife is choosing a different candidate, and I continuously ask her why. It annoys her, but she's proud of her choice, and I am of mine. It's not damaging the relationship, and we both feel that it's okay if one or both of us lose because… we are confident that who we elected was the best. Just a difference of opinion on who that pair is."
- Tito, 35
*Name was changed
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